A practical guide on paying for college

Posted: October 4, 2014 in Financial advice
Tags: , ,

Selling illegal drugs

Selling illegal drugs can be highly dangerous and getting caught can mean many years behind bars. It’s best not to get caught, and if you do, to know some people in the business to sell out to reduce your sentence. The upside means that you can make lots of money. College is a costly investment, and selling Cocaine, Crystal methamphetamines, or Marijuana in states where it’s still illegal can be a strong source of revenue.

Robbing banks

Banks are giant vaults of cash just sitting around the country. You’ll probably need to get in touch with people who’ve pulled this off before. But don’t talk to anyone in prison, because that means they didn’t do a very good job. Generally smaller banks in quieter neighborhoods will have less intense security measures making a successful heist more likely. Robbing a bank will involve at least one other partner in crime. Think of the Dirt Bike and Truck routine from The Place Beyond The Pines. Don’t hit the same area twice and don’t press your luck. Be loud, aggressive, get in and out.

Taking hostages

Consider abducting someone rich yet unloved. Like Kanye West or Alec Baldwin. This way the FBI won’t put in too much effort to stop you but you can still get enough money to pay for school. Like robbing banks, taking hostages is no solo operation. You’ll need to get enough money to split between you and your partners.

Ripping off cars

College is expensive, especially if you’re attending a private institution or college out of state. Don’t bother with small-time stuff like Hondas or used Buicks. Vehicles like New Mustangs, Chargers/300s/Challengers, Lexuses, or Mercedes’ bring in a lot of value. Chop shops look to make a profit themselves, so you’ll probably have to make 15-20 successful runs before you’ve saved up enough for a four-year degree. Never hit the same county twice and make sure the cops are distracted with something else at the time. You don’t want to get caught. It’s hard to go to college while you’re in federal prison.

Student Loans

Ha ha ha. I’m just kidding, what kind of moron would take out a loan to go to college. That’s just crazy.

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