Bill Belichick cackles gleefully as his former acolyte flounders

Posted: October 7, 2020 in Uncategorized
  • Former Patriots offensive coordinator Bill O’Brien enjoys substantial time off after being relieved of his duties as head coach and team dismantler of the Houston Texans football club.
  • Cocaine user Adam Gase, despite being the worst coach in recent NFL history, still retains his title as head coach of the New York JetsTM.
  • Pro Football Focus gurus Steve Palazzolo and Sam Monson have replaced their several servers of NFL analytics data with a napkin that was scribbled on with the following message: “DRAFT BIG, STRONG WHITE MAN” after witnessing Bills quarterback Josh Allen rank number three overall in ESPN QBR and number six overall in PFF player grade (amongst his same position peers). Former Oregon Duck and ROOKIE Justin Herbert (who I have aggressively criticized) is also performing well, with a 13th (out of 32) ESPN QBR rating despite running a dink and doink offense at the prestigious Joey Harrington University (Oregon). In order to bring balance to the force, Carson Wentz is intentionally throwing the football into the turf, into the hands of defenders and just past the outstretched arms of ELITE receivers like Greg Ward and Travis Fulgham. (Ward and Fulgham are not starting caliber receivers, Wentz has thrown 4 TDs and 7 INTs this season).
  • Another promising young, quarterback has been tossed in the bin as Dwayne Haskins will sit on the bench in Washington’s upcoming home game against the Rams. Kyle Allen, who played under Ron Rivera at Carolina, will get the starting nod.
  • 36 year old Aaron Rodgers doesn’t appear to need high quality wide receivers, excelling with Allen Lazard and Marques Valdez Scantling as two of his top three receiving threats.
  • It is highly probable that a 6-10 Dallas Cowboys team will be a number 4 seed in the 2020 NFL playoffs. The Eagles can’t seem to beat anyone (except the 49ers), the Cowboys have the worst defense in football and Washington is just still bad. Oh and the Giants have the worst offense in football, (points per game).
  • The 49ers have resorted to starting 3rd string quarterback C.J. Beathard, as their playoff hopes are likely over after losing a game to the previously winless Eagles.
  • Tampa Bay Quarterback Tom Brady has thrown two pick sixes in his first four games of the 2020 season. While he is a 43 year old man adjusting to a brand new offense, this phenomena could also link to Bruce Arians’ offense being naturally risky, as Jameis Winston set an NFL record for pick sixes thrown in a season (7). Brady, who was previously not a high-INT passer, is on pace to beat that record in 2020 under the same offense Winston ran in ’19.
  • The historically maligned Browns are 3-1, with a top five scoring offense led by QB Baker Mayfield who seems to have regained his form after a rough 2019.
  • Russell Wilson is trending toward a historic season with 16 TDs in 4 games. He’s also completing 75% of his passes with 9.4 yards per attempt.
  • Coaches likely to be gone by the end of 2020: Lions Matt Patricia, Falcons Dan Quinn, Jets Adam Gase, Jaguars Doug Marrone,

Song of the post. I sat by the ocean, Queens of the Stone Age.

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